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Heaven sent
"I am so lucky and so blessed. I truly believe I was put on earth to take care of these newborns," said Rolfing, a foster mother and owner with her husband Mark of Kootenai Lodge on Swan Lake. Rolfing knows to the minute the days and hours she tended to each of the 18 babies she's cared for since 1999. She is still part of their lives as friend and mentor to the birth mothers and the adoptive parents. She keeps close tabs on the welfare of each child, and their parents often bring them for visits with their first caregiver. "I cared for Will the longest, for 74 nights," Rolfing said. Will, the third of Rolfing's babies and named for "God's will," had a new home that Christmas with a local family and, one and a half years later, Rolfing's tenth baby-Daniel-became Will's brother. Rolfing gets to see the boys frequently when she's in Montana. Rolfing became a foster mother in March 1999, when Lutheran Social Services adoption counselor and friend Dia Hollinger told her a newborn had arrived that needed foster care. "Angel Baby" stayed with the Rolfings for almost three weeks. Within her first 10 months as a foster mother, Rolfing cared for three infants. Now, Rolfing is a volunteer foster mother for the state of Montana, Catholic Social Services, and Lutheran Social Services. As a foster mother, she gets money from the state but, as a volunteer, saves the money for the new parents of the babies temporarily under her care. Most of them are what Rolfing describes as "medically fragile" newborns. The mothers relinquish their children in an "open adoption," where the mother can help choose her baby's parents and remain in contact with the child. "We're really the 'safe house,' the place the baby is in waiting for a home," Rolfing likes to explain. "I work with the attorneys, doctors, the birth mother, the adoptive parents, grandparents and social services. I'm sometimes a great help to the birth moms because I'm not an authoritative figure and I'm not a counselor. I'm just loving their babies." Two of the substantially constructed log cabins on the Kootenai Lodge property have been remodeled as comfortable homes with nurseries for the newborns. Nursery furniture was hand-built with care by Mac Besse, a retired schoolteacher who has served as carpenter for the estate. Rolfing has exceptional help with the care of the babies in the persona of Kay Bjork, historian and helpmate to Rolfing as well as the mother of two children. Bjork downplays her role, but she took the Montana foster mother training program herself so she could relieve Rolfing at night. Rolfing said her journey to the Kootenai Lodge and foster motherhood was something mystical. "Kootenai Lodge was entrusted to me for a reason," she said of her 1990 purchase of the property. "We were staying at Mark's family's home on Flathead Lake and Scott Hollinger was helping me look for real estate in the Valley. I wasn't interested in Swan Lake, but Scott persisted and I finally agreed to look at Kootenai Lodge. After viewing the property I called my husband and said I found something we ought to invest in. We closed the sale in 20 days." Rolfing said the original plan was to restore and renovate the estate for resale within two years, but she fell in love with it, especially the land's legend as "the healing grounds," a term she said evolved from early guest Charlie Russell's visits. Rolfing's friends have often commented that they felt rested, rejuvenated and healed after their visits to the rustic estate, she said. In 1991, Mark gave her a woven wall hanging of Kootenai authenticity, and the couple later acquired a Charlie Russell print of a Kootenai mother holding up to the sky a baby in a cradleboard. In 1992, Kootenai elder Agnes "Oshanee" Kenmille blessed Kootenai Lodge presented Rolfing with a cradleboard identical to the one in the Russell painting. "Then my sister died six years ago and, through Hospice, chose me as her primary caregiver," Rolfing said. "It was quite an honor. When she died, she said 'I'll bring you lots of babies, angel Debi.' My sister knew even then about what my life would become." Rolfing said the fact that her two best friends, one in Hawaii and one in Bigfork, were adoption counselors also pointed to her future: "I had been developing a golf course in Maui for 13 years, but at a dinner party Dia told me there was a shortage of 'cradle care' homes and I thought, 'I've done it all and I'm ready to give something back.'" Everything pointed back at Kootenai Lodge, Rolfing said, and she took the five-week foster mother course required for licensing by the state of Montana and cared for three newborns. After Will's adoption, she took a similar course in Hawaii so she could be licensed in both states she calls home. In Hawaii, she once cared for three newborns at the same time, with Bjork's help. With some adoptions, Rolfing writes what she calls "a placement ceremony" in which she and the birth and adoptive parents participate and celebrate each baby's unique and special character. The ceremony takes place in the living room of the log house Rolfing and her husband live in, one of 20 buildings on the estate. In a corner of the room stands a tree full of feathery white baby-size angel wings, one pair for every baby Rolfing has fostered. Hanging on the stone fireplace across the room is yet another pair of wings. Rolfing describes the ceremony: "The birth mother dresses the baby in a beautiful white outfit and we hang a pair of wings on the mantle. We have a candle-lit prayer service, and the mother hands the baby into the arms of the new parents, the baby's forever family. I always let the birth mom carry the wings to the tree. It's the saddest day of the birth mother's life but the happiest of the adoptive couple's. "It is hard to let go, but my job is done." Each baby leaves in a wicker bassinet, or "Moses basket" Rolfing calls them, and is sent to its new home with video and photo diaries Rolfing prepares that document every day and event of the baby's life to date. "I video and take still camera pictures and present it to the parents so they never feel they've missed one day of their child's life," Rolfing said. New parents also take with them a complete wardrobe that includes a white blanket and cap identifying them as "angel babies.'" This is the transition blanket that Debi sleeps with so that the baby still has the familiarity of her scent while the newborn adjusts to his new surroundings All of the Rolfing's foster babies - whether of Polynesian, Caucasian, African-American, Asian or Native American descent - are given temporary names she and her husband feel best reflect the newborns' spirits. Faith, Hope and Grace are three of the girls. Two of the babies born in Hawaii were given the Hawaiian names for Mark's parents, Malia and Kimo. The parents of seven of the babies kept the names bestowed on them by the Rolfings, and the Rolfings are godparents to Will and to Kobe, Rolfing's 13th "angel baby." "Relinquishing the babies is the toughest part," Rolfing acknowledges. "I am required to take 15 hours of continuing education every year, so I go to 'separation and loss' classes. After 18 babies it's become easier, because I understand my role better." Rolfing's previous role was as hard-working and record-setting real estate saleswoman and property developer in Hawaii for 28 years. The third in a family of ten children, Rolfing grew up nurturing babies but never expected to be fulfilled by nurturing the babies of others outside her family of nine sisters and a brother. "What I was the best at in my whole life was real estate and the ability to help people buy their life's dream. Now I'm best at taking care of newborns. It must be the caregiver in me," Rolfing said. Growing up in Oshkosh, Wis., as one of nine sisters, Rolfing had plenty of opportunity to take care of babies, and the concept of "family" is important to her. "My sisters and I washed dishes singing to the songs from "The Sound of Music," she said, humming the song " Something Good" from the soundtrack. Now in between babies, Rolfing accompanies her husband on the PGA tour, where he is a golf analyst for NBC. But babies are never far away even then. Rolfing volunteers in the nursery provided for the young babies of PGA Tour professionals and their wives. Rolfing says she wants to simplify her life and one day build just "one big forever home" where she and her husband can live on healing grounds and tend angel babies. Rolfing joyfully shows guests the nursery where portraits of all 18 babies adorn the walls. "It means the most to me to see the difference I've made in these children's lives," Rolfing muses. Borrowing a line from her favorite song from "The Sound of Music," she wonders: "Somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good - to be so blessed."
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